TRUE OPINION: 10 Things I Hate About Albo

TRUE OPINION: There sure is a lot to hate about Labor leader Anthony Albanese, writes Miles Hunt, who has compiled a very definitive list.

In keeping with that sick 90s movie with Heath Ledger based on Shakespeare’s Taming of the Shrew, here is a list of all the things I hate about Labor leader and my local member, Anthony Albanese. He was once cool but seems to have gone off the boil, like Chris Lilley or an out-of-date lollypop. But maybe that’s the price you pay for becoming leader of a political party. Anyway, here goes:

1. I hate that Albo is called Albo – following in the footsteps of most modern politicians with a catchy nickname – Kevin 07 and ScoMo – who must have got the idea from 80s musicians like Madonna and Prince. Politics is always 30 years behind Pop Culture so it may be a while before you see intentional wardrobe malfunctions in the Houses of Parliament.

2. I hate that Albo doesn’t DJ anymore. He used to be a mainstay of the local DJ scene, often hitting the decks during parties or community events, mixing up some tunes for everyone to dance too. These days, the passion for DJing seems to have waned, or perhaps Albo wants to be seen as PM material. But I for one want to see (or hear him) hit the decks once more – and maybe even bosh a pinger in the process.

3. I hate it that Albo hasn’t put out a Climate Change policy. Labor had a pretty good one in the Gillard days (that was mercilessly attacked by Abbott and News Corp) and Shorten too, wanted significant cuts to carbon emissions. But there has been nothing since the election, and every day I worry that it may never come. Maybe he is worried about $100 lamb roasts and electric cars ruining the weekend, but then I am more worried about a foodless, flooded, inhabitable planet.

4. I hate it too that Albo doesn’t embrace a Green New deal – giving the doubters hope by building an economic empire on our abundant access to wind and solar energy. All while promising the coal miners of the Hunter that they will not be left behind and can be at the forefront of this new deal. But then again no one cared about the toll collectors when they were replaced by the E-tag, or the supermarket check-out kids of today being replaced by a bot that perennially struggles with ‘items in the bagging area’.

5. I hate it that Albo has trimmed down, lost weight in his bid for power. For it makes me wonder whether Kim Beazley may have been PM had it not been for the third tyre he was carrying. A shame for big-bodied out there fighting for a fairer and less Fatist world.

6. I hate it that Albo has been playing the small target. Not bringing out any policies, trying not to scare any voters off, not giving the LNP any fodder for the inevitable scare campaign. I can understand why of course, after Shorten lost the unlosable election. A big campaign, with plenty of new and progressive ideas is always thumped at the election booths – just ask John Hewson! But still, it disappoints me, because us progressives much prefer sticking to our principles and then inevitably losing.

7. I hate it that Albo was once a fighting socialist, storming the roof of Sydney University in protest for better conditions for the students, and now, years later, appears a much-appeased centrist. Is this the inevitable end for all young socialists? Giving up on Che Guevara’s dream of worldwide Marxism for the safety of the daily news and a warm cup of coffee. I hope not, because I am a socialist and nearly 40… hold on, I am having a nice cup of warm coffee right now!

8. I hate it how Albo stuck by Kevin Rudd through the tumultuous years of Labor leadership turmoil. He was a loyal backer from beginning to end, but still did his best when Gillard was in power. He wasn’t a faceless man. He was upfront and honest and believed in Kevin Rudd – this despite the rest of the party throwing him under the proverbial bus. Was Albo the best of them or was he just too faithfully loyal to a narcissistic megalomanic?

9. I hate it that Albo supports the Bunnies. What a cliché! Following a local sports team and then wearing the jersey with pride – think Johnny Howard and his Wallabies tracksuit or Scomo with his Sharkies hat – but then again, I am a Bunnies supporter too. Remember this was the team that got kicked out of the comp, fought their way back against all odds. The indigenous club out of Redfern, losing all their best players to the wealthy Roosters. What’s not to love about that. Go bunnies!

10. I hate the fact that Albo is a career politician – drain the swamp they say – but then again Albo grew up in housing commission with a single mother. He had to earn everything himself. Had to make it without the backing of wealthy parents. A poor kid who got an education because of Whitlam’s reforms and hard work. Pretty impressive really when you think about it. Even if he did end up as a politician.

Actually, after making this list Albo, I realise I don’t hate you at all. In fact, it is the opposite. You seem a decent and honourable human being who had a tough upbringing and who got into politics for the right reasons.

You got my vote, mate.