TRUE OPINION: Bet your house on another ScoMo SUPER suckhole

TRUE OPINION: ‘Use your superannuation to buy a house’ is Scott Morrison and the LNP’s last-ditched brainfart to save an awful prime ministership, writes Kieran Butler.

The footage of Scott Morrison using a small child to cushion his fall says so much about Australia’s current Prime Minister – and the country that is on the precipice of re-electing him. Sacrificing a kid to protect himself is in Morrsion’s DNA.

He started in on refugee kids a decade ago, attacked anyone who criticised him for it, and sent the Murugappan kids to atrophy on Christmas Island for votes from Australian racists until one of them nearly died.

He has covered for rapists, child abusers and murderers. Yet 43% of Australians still approve of him.

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By his own admission, he is just “warming up”. He understands the depravity of the Australian electorate and feeds off it. I was right when I said Jimmy Savile is his political spirit animal.

The LNP campaign launch last weekend featured a conga line of LNP suckholes listening to their psychopath-in-chief, Scott Morrison, for an excruciating 50 minutes. Morrison’s media advisers must have told him to channel Donald Trump.

He veered off script, preached and pleaded a lot, cracked that crooked smile that gets Jenny all juicy; and then promised his government would let everyone spend their superannuation to get into an overheated housing market.

Morrison has no intention of implementing this policy if he is re-elected. He’s lying. After the election he plans to listen to the experts – who have already universally rejected the idea – then change his mind and conveniently use that as an example that he listens and isn’t a bulldozer anymore.

This sad and sorry excuse for an election campaign only needed to run for a week. This will be the only policy anyone remembers. It will probably put the LNP back into power. The UAP are already lying about 3% interest rates. Plonkers have bought into that. They will also swallow that their superannuation will now buy them a house.

The Australian property market is a Ponzi scheme fueled by bi-partisan government policy that panders to the base stupidity of the Australian electorate. For Australians, housing isn’t shelter and security. It’s the ‘big lie’ every stupid Australian believes without question: “I’m a rich fucker cos my house is worth heaps of money” or “If I buy a house, I’ll be a rich f*cker too”.

Morrison masturbated like Tim Wilson in a Parliamentary Prayer Room when he bragged in hushed tones about “saving Australia” by rolling out Jobkeeper; pumping billions of dollars his government printed into an economy that predictably pumped up property prices by another 20%. Morrison now needs a new clutch of rubes to keep inflating a balloon that Bernie Madoff could have only dreamed about.

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If Australia votes Morrison and his merry band of grifters back into government, like a junkie grabbing another bag of gear on tick, hoping the local church has already replaced the DVD player they stole last week, it will have signed its own death warrant.

As a result, these morons will soon be drowning in negative equity, getting squeezed by rising interest rates, and Morrison will have yet another crisis on his hands that he can blame on the Chinese. Wash, rinse, repeat. Do not pity them as they go to the wall. They will have brought it on themselves through their gargantuan ignorance.

I have it on good authority that Bunnings already have a line of pre-rolled nooses ready to go for the occasion. They will come with a complimentary Pierrepoint chart. Named after the famous hangman, Albert Pierrepoint, who could spot that a condemned man had pigged out at his last meal, and would quickly add an extra half inch to the length of the rope to ensure a clean snap of the neck. This chart gives you the exact length required for your particular weight to get the same result.

Be honest about your weight though. If you lie, the rope will be too short, and you’ll end up being found by your family, irretrievably brain damaged, and somewhat ironically, left to see out your remaining days in a poorly funded NDIS facility.

Conversely, you could vote this sh*tshow of a government out of office. Take your f*cking choice.

About Kieran Butler 33 Articles
Kieran Butler is a comedian, musician and satirist. He is best known in Australia for his pop-parody musical "Ben Cousins: a rock opera" and has received critical acclaim at the Edinburgh Fringe for "Che Guevara on the Fringe" (**** The Scotsman) and his sold-out "Australia is Fucked" trilogy. More info at

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