TRUE OPINION: Is Scott Morrison a Racist? F*ck, how should I know … I’m only a Muslim

SATIRE: Australia’s greatest ever football manager, Ange Postecoglou, has joined the world’s greatest football team – well, according to the one-eyed fans of Glasgow Celtic FC anyways – and befitting such an occasion the great man has also decided to begin penning a regular column for True Crime News Weekly to detail all his exploits in all their glory.

Police are on the hunt for a so-called “Gucci wanker” after a man is alleged to have masturbated and exposed himself to an elderly woman while on a train in NSW’s Central Coast.

EXCLUSIVE: Mainstream media outlets are at the centre of a plagiarism storm, with a group of local amateur sleuths who have spent years looking into the notorious unsolved Mr Cruel case in Melbourne going public with claims their extensive research has been allegedly stolen by an American law enforcement consultant. Mike King has now received widespread acclaim for providing a “major breakthrough” by the likes of Channel 9 and News Corp despite making a range of basic errors regarding the case. Aidan Satz investigates.